Thursday, March 09, 2006

I'm feeling left out of this whole crazy religious thing.

Agnosticism is a tough gig. Other people get to do and say all this crazy shit as long as they do it for god. Hell, you can be a full blown alcoholic coke-head for years and then become President as long as you become a born again (what the hell does born again mean anyway?) I'm feeling left out. I'm feeling lonely. So, the obvious solution when feeling lonely is to put up a personal ad online. So, here's my personal ad for a new religion...

SAGS*, 24, slight beer gut seeks religion. Must allow/encourage all of the following activities:
  • Daily consumption of Alcohol (would prefer some sort of daily ritual in which this is required)
  • Watching sporting events, particularly violent ones (Football, UFC, etc.)
  • Gambling (Hold 'em and blackjack are preferred)
  • Smoking (Me likey the cigars and hookahs)
  • Not believing in God
  • Extensive use of sarcasm
  • Pre-Marital Sex
  • Post-Marital Sex
  • Eating Meat (particularly beef. Mmmmmm... Steak)
  • Hating on stupid people
  • Idolatry
  • Science
  • Logic
Also, if your god/prophet can beat up all those other religions' gods/prophets, that would really save me alot of time when I get into arguments with all the infidels. If you are a religion and can meet up to these expectations, leave your contact info in the comments section.

*Single Agnostic Graduate Student