Agnosticism is a tough gig. Other people get to do and say all this crazy shit as long as they do it for god. Hell, you can be a full blown alcoholic coke-head for years and then become President as long as you become a born again (what the hell does born again mean anyway?) I'm feeling left out. I'm feeling lonely. So, the obvious solution when feeling lonely is to put up a personal ad online. So, here's my personal ad for a new religion...
SAGS*, 24, slight beer gut seeks religion. Must allow/encourage all of the following activities:
- Daily consumption of Alcohol (would prefer some sort of daily ritual in which this is required)
- Watching sporting events, particularly violent ones (Football, UFC, etc.)
- Gambling (Hold 'em and blackjack are preferred)
- Smoking (Me likey the cigars and hookahs)
- Not believing in God
- Extensive use of sarcasm
- Pre-Marital Sex
- Post-Marital Sex
- Eating Meat (particularly beef. Mmmmmm... Steak)
- Hating on stupid people
- Idolatry
- Science
- Logic
Also, if your god/prophet can beat up all those other religions' gods/prophets, that would really save me alot of time when I get into arguments with all the infidels. If you are a religion and can meet up to these expectations, leave your contact info in the comments section.
*Single Agnostic Graduate Student
