Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Urban Dictionary Meme

Just thought of an idea for a new meme. We'll see if it catches on. Here's the meme:
1) Go to
2) Click Random ten times
3) Post your favorite definition out of the random 10

Here's my entry:
what does "wevd" mean?

wevd is a word invented by me (mortecattiva), and it's used to express your "feeling dirty" while you do cybersex.

yes, little pervert, i said cybersex.

now, what is the meaning of wevd? let me explain it:

what is the animal who express the concept of "dirty"? the PIG.
what does the pig say? he says OINK OINK OINK.

so when you are feeling dirty, you little pervert, you say OINK as well.
but hold on! you are doing cybersex! your right hand is busy! how can you do?
easy, act like on a mirror! if you were a pro typewriter like me you would know you type
O - with the ring
I - with the middle finger
N - with the index
K - with the middle finger
if you do the same moves with your left hand, what letter you obtain?
O - W
I - E
N - V
K - D

this is the solution!
copyright 2004 - mortecattiva

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

He's making his list and checking it twice.

Santa, why are you so Fascist?

Oh wait! That's not Santa. That's our ole friend Bill O'Reilly. According to his Talking Points Memo for tonight, Bill O'Reilly is publishing his initial list of Media Defamation. After navigating his homepage, which is best described as hot trash wrapped in html, I finally found his list. Would you like to see it? Warning: This is quite an extensive list, some older computers may not have the RAM to handle it. Here it is...
- New York Daily News
- The St. Petersburg Times
Yes, that's it. 3 news sources. But don't worry, according to Bill many more sites will be listed in the coming months. Come on Bill, make me a star.

My shit is V.I.P.

On my flight from Denver to Orange County Sunday night, I randomly got assigned to sit in first class. Somehow, the cheapest fare on Expedia translated to sitting first class on a 757 for two hours. I quickly came to realize the truth about first class seating: When you are in first class, you are better than anyone sitting in coach. Here's a few reasons why...

Food: Delicious. Best meal I've ever had on an airplane.
Service: Friendly, quick, and attentive.
Chair: More comfortable than most of the furniture in my apartment
Number of crying babies: Zero
Number of annoying, upset, obnoxious fellow travellers in First Class: Zero
My sense of self superiority: Approaching highest known levels

Now, for the first 20 or so minutes of the flight, I made a rookie mistake. I ordered a coke. Notice how I did not include rum, whiskey, or any other assorted alcohol in that sentence. I'm a quicky study however, and quickly turned my sights on the Heineken. It was soon after this however that I realized this was only a two hour flight, and the guy sitting next to me has had 4 Vodka Tonics during the time I've had two beers. I immediately see the wisdom in his choice, and proceed to knock down 2 Gin and tonics before the flight is over. And let me tell you, those flight attendants make a mean Gin and tonic. I felt the enamel peeling away from my teeth as I imbibed those delicous drinks. After the Chemist kindly picked me up at the airport, I finished off the night with a couple beers and passed out.

Now that's how you come home after the holidays.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Reaffirmation: People are stupid.

Just in case my faith in humanity was restored (not likely), this will keep it crushed for a while. During a flight from Hong Kong to Brisbane, this woman thought it would be a good idea to open the Airplane door so she could take a smoke. Yes, the door to exit the plane. Yes, at 30,000-40,000 feet.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Time to join the enemies list

Dear Mr. O'Reilly and Staff,

Please add my blog to your list of "Left wing attack blogs", "Anti-Christmas blogs", and whatever other McCarthy-esque list you wish to build. But don't just take my word for it. Here is why you should add me to your list.

1) I'm not a Christian, but I celebrate Christmas. I'm just in it for the presents, food, and family time.
2) The title of my blog "Secular, Scientific, Socialism, and every other dirty liberal word"
3) My creation of the Random Facts About Dick Cheney Generator. See Following Examples...
One time, Dick Cheney stabbed a delivery boy just for forgetting his egg rolls.
Dick Cheney masturbates with dead babies and live puppies. You figure it out.
Dick Cheney's penis doubles as a dousing rod that detects petroleum.
Dick Cheney can fit seventeen billiard balls in his mouth at once.
Dick Cheney only sees you when you move.
Dick Cheney can eat a beer can and shit out a gun.

To keep it fair and balanced, I should let you know that I've only authored roughly 10 of the facts, but I compiled them together and created the generator. If your staff ever needs some background facts on Dick Cheney, be sure to send them to my blog.

4) I live in California
5) I'm not a Republican. Just admit it Bill, everyone knows who writes your talking points.
6) I disagree with almost everything you say.

How's that working for you? Still not convinced?
I guess I still haven't attacked you personally, maybe that will push me over the edge.
Why the French boycott Bill? Not a wine drinker? Was that hot French woman you took back to your hotel room actually a man? And you knew she was a dude? And you liked it? Don't be ashamed of who you are. Be proud.

Ok, if that doesn't get me on your list, then I don't know what will. Perhaps a reference to the whole sex scandal thing? Don't feel too bad Bill, sex scandals are the new black. Don't get that whole new black thing? Ask the one female intern you haven't sexually harassed, if she exists.

Well, look foward to the publication of your list of the finest reading on the internet.

Rob the Dirty Liberal
Secular, Scientific, Socialism and every other dirty liberal word.

P.S. Sean Hannity. Why so angry?

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Dick Cheney Random Fact Generator Version 1,0

If you look at my sidebar, you will notice that I have added a Random Dick Cheney Fact Generator. Everytime you load my blog from now on, you will be greeted with a random fact about Dick Cheney. I've compiled all the contributions from my blog and from the post at Shakespeare's Sister. The current total of facts about is at 127.

If you wish to add a fact about Dick Cheney to the master list:
1. Click the "Random Facts About Dick Cheney" Link on the sidebar
2. Click the "Add Your Own Entry" Button
3. Type in your Dick Cheney Fact and then Click "Submit"

Warning: If your fact has already been submitted to the master list or just sucks, I will delete it from the Master List.

If you wish to view the entire Master List, just click the "Random Facts About Dick Cheney" link.

Oh, and I plan on doing a post on some statistics about the facts on Dick Cheney. Things along the line of how many supernatural powers does Dick cheney have, etc. Stay Tuned.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Dear Women of America,

Why are you all such whores? Seriously, do you think you are just allowed to have sex? You are not. If you have sex, it is to make a baby for your man. And you better not enjoy the aformentioned sex, or you'll get extra kitchen duty. This letter is to inform you that the government now owns and regulates your ovaries and other assorted inards involved in baby making. As the first step in this plan, we have applied political pressure to force the F.D.A. to reject the application for morning-after pill to be available over-the-counter. We don't care what those liberal hippy scientists and doctors recommend, because all women are whores who tempted Adam.

The Grand Old Party

P.S. Make me a sandwitch, BITCH!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Just the facts people.

Inspired by the facts about Chuck Norris, I would like to start a facts page on Dick Cheney. I'd like for this to be a collaborative effort amongst all you clever liberal bloggers out there. So, for now just put any contributions in the comments, and if we get enough I'll set up a separate website for them. Here's a few facts from the Chuck Norris site, for inspirational purposes...
  • Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
  • When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
And here's is my initial contribution to the facts about Dick Cheney
  • Dick Cheney has died 3 times already. Each time he dies, Donald Rumsfeld performs an obscure pagan ritual on him that brings him back to life. And each time, Cheney's hunger for the flesh of the living becomes more and more unquenchable.
  • An idealistic young man once looked directly into Dick Cheney's eyes to ask him a question. Dick Cheney instantly stole his soul and turned him into his man-servant. From that day on, Lewis "Scooter" Libby was never the same.
  • A Hippie once made fun of Dick Cheney having the word "Dick" in his name. The Hippie was then arrested by the CIA, taken to a secret Eastern European prison where Dick Cheney tea-bagged him for 6 hours until the Hippie died from the mighty stench of Dick Cheney's ball sack.
  • Dick Cheney fears only two things: Holy Water and Chuck Norris.
Update: The Dick Cheney Random Fact Generator is up. You'll need to load the main page of my blog to see it in the sidebar.

Weekend Sports Review.

In the sports world of Rob the Dirty Liberal, this weekend was quite the success.

First and foremost, my beloved Texas Longhorns obliterated Kansas 66-14. Kansas went into this game with the No. 1 rush defense, allowing roughly 64 yards per game. Texas got 336 rushing yards on them. Texas is just two wins away from the National Championship. Hook em!

My fantasy team is currently leading my opponent by 69 points. My opponent has two players playing tonight, Drew Bledsoe and Terry Glenn. So, assuming that Drew Bledsoe doesn't throw roughly 4 or 5 touchdown passes to Terry Glenn, with both getting alot of yards, victory shall be mine.

The Texans lost to the Colts, but at least they managed to not get completely dismantled.

And the Cowboys are playing on Monday night football against the Eagles tonight, which is usually a fun game to watch. With the return of Julius Jones, and all the shit happening with the Eagles, you gotta like the Cowboys to steal this one on road.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Laziness and Fat. Mmmmmm... tastes like fat

I haven't posted in a while. To be honest, I've had alot on my plate the last few weeks and just haven't felt the inpiration to post anything. However, I couldn't pass this story up when I read it. Here's the link, and here's the preview...

French scientists have identified a protein receptor that resides in the taste buds and may be responsible for sensing fat. As such, this so-called fatty acid transporter, known as CD36, could be to blame for our love of high-fat foods--and could thus serve as a possible target for treatment of obesity.

If the link bears out, CD36 would allow fat to join the five previously identified tastes that govern the experience of food: bitter, salty, sweet, sour and "umami," or savoriness (like the meaty goodness of soup stock).

I've been telling people this for years. Fat=flavor. Stop buying lean meat people!