Thursday, November 17, 2005

Time to join the enemies list

Dear Mr. O'Reilly and Staff,

Please add my blog to your list of "Left wing attack blogs", "Anti-Christmas blogs", and whatever other McCarthy-esque list you wish to build. But don't just take my word for it. Here is why you should add me to your list.

1) I'm not a Christian, but I celebrate Christmas. I'm just in it for the presents, food, and family time.
2) The title of my blog "Secular, Scientific, Socialism, and every other dirty liberal word"
3) My creation of the Random Facts About Dick Cheney Generator. See Following Examples...
One time, Dick Cheney stabbed a delivery boy just for forgetting his egg rolls.
Dick Cheney masturbates with dead babies and live puppies. You figure it out.
Dick Cheney's penis doubles as a dousing rod that detects petroleum.
Dick Cheney can fit seventeen billiard balls in his mouth at once.
Dick Cheney only sees you when you move.
Dick Cheney can eat a beer can and shit out a gun.

To keep it fair and balanced, I should let you know that I've only authored roughly 10 of the facts, but I compiled them together and created the generator. If your staff ever needs some background facts on Dick Cheney, be sure to send them to my blog.

4) I live in California
5) I'm not a Republican. Just admit it Bill, everyone knows who writes your talking points.
6) I disagree with almost everything you say.

How's that working for you? Still not convinced?
I guess I still haven't attacked you personally, maybe that will push me over the edge.
Why the French boycott Bill? Not a wine drinker? Was that hot French woman you took back to your hotel room actually a man? And you knew she was a dude? And you liked it? Don't be ashamed of who you are. Be proud.

Ok, if that doesn't get me on your list, then I don't know what will. Perhaps a reference to the whole sex scandal thing? Don't feel too bad Bill, sex scandals are the new black. Don't get that whole new black thing? Ask the one female intern you haven't sexually harassed, if she exists.

Well, look foward to the publication of your list of the finest reading on the internet.

Rob the Dirty Liberal
Secular, Scientific, Socialism and every other dirty liberal word.

P.S. Sean Hannity. Why so angry?