Tuesday, November 29, 2005

My shit is V.I.P.

On my flight from Denver to Orange County Sunday night, I randomly got assigned to sit in first class. Somehow, the cheapest fare on Expedia translated to sitting first class on a 757 for two hours. I quickly came to realize the truth about first class seating: When you are in first class, you are better than anyone sitting in coach. Here's a few reasons why...

Food: Delicious. Best meal I've ever had on an airplane.
Service: Friendly, quick, and attentive.
Chair: More comfortable than most of the furniture in my apartment
Number of crying babies: Zero
Number of annoying, upset, obnoxious fellow travellers in First Class: Zero
My sense of self superiority: Approaching highest known levels

Now, for the first 20 or so minutes of the flight, I made a rookie mistake. I ordered a coke. Notice how I did not include rum, whiskey, or any other assorted alcohol in that sentence. I'm a quicky study however, and quickly turned my sights on the Heineken. It was soon after this however that I realized this was only a two hour flight, and the guy sitting next to me has had 4 Vodka Tonics during the time I've had two beers. I immediately see the wisdom in his choice, and proceed to knock down 2 Gin and tonics before the flight is over. And let me tell you, those flight attendants make a mean Gin and tonic. I felt the enamel peeling away from my teeth as I imbibed those delicous drinks. After the Chemist kindly picked me up at the airport, I finished off the night with a couple beers and passed out.

Now that's how you come home after the holidays.