Monday, November 14, 2005

Just the facts people.

Inspired by the facts about Chuck Norris, I would like to start a facts page on Dick Cheney. I'd like for this to be a collaborative effort amongst all you clever liberal bloggers out there. So, for now just put any contributions in the comments, and if we get enough I'll set up a separate website for them. Here's a few facts from the Chuck Norris site, for inspirational purposes...
  • Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
  • When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
And here's is my initial contribution to the facts about Dick Cheney
  • Dick Cheney has died 3 times already. Each time he dies, Donald Rumsfeld performs an obscure pagan ritual on him that brings him back to life. And each time, Cheney's hunger for the flesh of the living becomes more and more unquenchable.
  • An idealistic young man once looked directly into Dick Cheney's eyes to ask him a question. Dick Cheney instantly stole his soul and turned him into his man-servant. From that day on, Lewis "Scooter" Libby was never the same.
  • A Hippie once made fun of Dick Cheney having the word "Dick" in his name. The Hippie was then arrested by the CIA, taken to a secret Eastern European prison where Dick Cheney tea-bagged him for 6 hours until the Hippie died from the mighty stench of Dick Cheney's ball sack.
  • Dick Cheney fears only two things: Holy Water and Chuck Norris.
Update: The Dick Cheney Random Fact Generator is up. You'll need to load the main page of my blog to see it in the sidebar.