Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The United States of Space

In the spirit of such great ideas, like missile defense, the Air Force now wants to deploy massive space based weapons platforms. I mean, why just establish air superiority when you can establish space superiority as well. (Too bad we can't establish ground superiority) So, what wonderful waste of time and money are we talking about...

1) A new Air Force strategy, Global Strike, calls for a military space plane carrying precision-guided weapons armed with a half-ton of munitions. General Lord told Congress last month that Global Strike would be "an incredible capability" to destroy command centers or missile bases "anywhere in the world."

2) Another Air Force space program, nicknamed Rods From God, aims to hurl cylinders of tungsten, titanium or uranium from the edge of space to destroy targets on the ground, striking at speeds of about 7,200 miles an hour with the force of a small nuclear weapon.

3) A third program would bounce laser beams off mirrors hung from space satellites or huge high-altitude blimps, redirecting the lethal rays down to targets around the world.

4) A fourth seeks to turn radio waves into weapons whose powers could range "from tap on the shoulder to toast," in the words of an Air Force plan.

What the hell is Air Force thinking? Probably something along these lines:
Uhhhhhh... this must help us fight terrorism right? No, i guess not. But they sound so cool. Just like in Star Wars. I'm talking Death Star motherfuckers. Let's blow those non white-chrisitian, pinko-commie terrorists right off the face of the earth.

"I'm tired of talking about the war and the economy, I got that shit under control...Write this down. M.A.R.S. That's right! Mars, bitches!" - Dave Chappelle as Black Bush