Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.

See it's that simple. However if I have learned one truth in life, it's that parents are complete fucking retards when it comes to their own kids. Seriously. Have you ever known a truly great parent? Most of them are utterly irrational morons when it comes to their own kids. But I suppose that's just the nature of parents. I'm sure IF I ever have kids, I'll join the ranks of the functional stupid parents.

Now that I've got that mini-rant out of the way, onto the the actual point of this post. Some parents decided to try and get an elementary school teacher fired because Mr. McBeth decided to become Ms. McBeth.

I, as a parent, am appalled to have this issue brought into my child's psychology," Steve Bond said...
"I will not allow you to put my kids in a petri dish and hope it all turns out fine," said Mark Schnepp, who had taken out an ad in a local newspaper urging parents to turn out for the meeting.

I think these parents who were speaking against hiring back Ms. McBeth were just being paranoid, overprotective parents. I doubt these kids could even comprehend a sex change. Even if kids vaguely understood it, I doubt they'd even think twice about it. Besides, a good teacher is a terrible thing to waste. People should be judged on their talent, not their sexual preferences (obvious exception being rapists and child molestors).

Several parents and students spoke at the same school board meeting in favor of hiring back Ms. McBeth. The school board ultimately voted 4-1 in favor of hiring back Ms. McBeth.

The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming

My friend Mikhail, whom I met when I worked in Amsterdam last summer, visited me this last weekend. It was his first time in the United States, so I offered to give him a tour of the L.A./Orange County area. So, enough with the introductions and on with the picture blogging.
Mikhail had watched NBA games as a kid and it was a life long dream for him to go an NBA game. I took him to the Lakers v. Celtics game. Kobe scored 40 points and the Lakers still lost.

Mikhail is a huge Pulp Fiction fan, so he had to have this picture in the Hollywood Wax Museum.

Mikhail and I having some beers at a bar on Hollywood Blvd. I got him wasted that night.

Mikhail drinking at a bar in Costa Mesa. Aren't I a great influence on people?

Yes, that's right. I won an oscar. I bet you don't have one. Suck it!

Expect light posting

I have a friend who came into town from Amsterdam yesterday, so I would expect no posts until Monday, which should probably include some interesting pictures.

- The Management.

And so it begins

The Supreme Court will review a case on late term abortion. Well, that sure was quick. Hey Democrats who didn't vote for the filibuster of Alito: WAY TO GO JACKASSES! Now that Bush has stacked the court with some more old conservative white guys (obvious experts on women's health issues), the Supreme Court is ready to start turning back the clock on women's rights.

The most disturbing thing about this new law that the Supreme Court will review is that there is no health exception. So, if being pregnant puts the women's life in danger, well that's just too bad for her. Feministing seems to think this is a bad idea, and I am in complete agreement with them.

"Despite 33 years of Supreme Court precedent that women's health matters, the court has decided it will once again take up this issue," Cecile Richards, the organization's president, said in a written statement.

"Health-care decisions should be made by women, with their doctors and families -- not politicians," Richards added. "Lawmakers should stop playing politics with women's health and lives."

Friday Quote of the Day

Here's one for our "pious", alcoholic, coke-head President, who likes to imply that god is always on the side of the United States.

O Lord our God, help us tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it...

"The War Prayer" by Mark Twain

Expressing my poetic side

Firedoglake is sponsoring a Dick Cheney poetry contest. Obviously, I could not resist entering in such a contest. The only rule for the contest is that entries are limited to four lines. I highly recommend reading the entries, because some of them are absolutely hilarious. Here are my two entries...

Entry One
Dick's thirst for blood was overwhelming
He was tired of bombers doing all the shelling
So he grabbed a gun and drank beer from a can
And then shot in the face, a 78 year old man

Entry Two
Dick was tired and needed a break
So he went down to Texas for some human steak
Shooting caged quail seemed kind of lame
Because Dick prefers The Most Dangerous Game

WoW addiction

Many of the younger students in my lab, grad and undergrad, are addicted to World of Warcraft. I didn't think it was possible, but this game has actually increased the level of nerdiness in a physics lab. For example, I heard this exchange in lab this last summer...
Grad Student 1: "I've finally made it to level 57"
Grad Student 2: "Don't even talk to me until you make it level 60"

After hearing this conversation, I instantly did not approve of WOW. After a quick google search, I found that apparently alot of other people in the world just absolutely hate WoW.

I know it's sad but if he had a choice between keeping me or wow..he'd choose that game, unless we got engaged (in that case he promised me he'd sell it). Heh...riiight. I've just had enough with it. It's something that is between us...and is the main problem in our relationship. I know how addicted he used to be and I don't want that to ever happen again.

If you want to get a really good laugh though, go check out Mikey's addiction. Some poor guy who lived with a WoW addict decided to document his roommate's addiction. He has a running count of how much sleep his roommate gets versus how much time he has spent playing WoW.

Alright, we're back in the swing of things here. Mikey played the game from midnight to 3:30 last night, got up at 7:30, and started playing again at 10:15 until 4:30 with a 2 hour break in between. At 4:30 he took a nap until a quater to seven and then got up and played until 9. So...

Today
Gameplay - 10:00
Sleep - 6:00 (Night - 4:00, Nap - 2:00)

My ode to the Daily Show

The Daily Show last night was hilarious, even more than usual. So, for Valentine's Day, I've decided to express my poetic side by writing an ode to the Daily Show that is inspired by the segment last night with Jon Stewart interviewing Ed Helms.

Shooting Dick in a Barrel, My ode to the Daily Show.

Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year old man, in the face.
Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year old man, in the face.
Man's face intercepts Vice Presidential bullet.
Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year old man, in the face.
Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year old man, in the face.
Whittinghams condition upgraded from stable, to stable but still shot in the face.
Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year old man, in the face.
Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year old man, in the face.
A 78 year old man, was shot in the face, by the Vice President of the United States of America

Dick Cheney shot a guy

Funny. DAMN funny. But definitely not a suprise. Why? Because we know some facts about Dick Cheney.

• One time, Dick Cheney stabbed a delivery boy just for forgetting his egg rolls.
• Dick Cheney has died 3 times already. Each time he dies, Donald Rumsfeld performs an obscure pagan ritual on him that brings him back to life. And each time, Cheney's hunger for the flesh of the living becomes more and more unquenchable.
• Dick Cheney once killed in a man in Reno just to watch him die. And by once, I mean once a week.
• If you see Dick Cheney, do not approach or taunt him, but keep your distance and call the authorities.
• Dick Cheney once beat a man to death with a copy of the book of Mormon
If Dick Cheney has to tell you one more goddamned time to put the toilet seat back down, he's going to teabag you to death.
• Dick Cheney is personally responsible for the death of Rock and Roll. His next target: Happiness
• Dick Cheney once shot a man for snoring too loud
• When he gets bored, Dick Cheney likes to have a hooker dress up like a hobo, then kill her.
• If you send Dick Cheney an email forward that he finds insufficiently amusing, he'll kill everyone you've ever loved, but leave you unharmed.
• Dick Cheney killed Johnny Cash
• Dick Cheney is making a list, and checking it twice. If you've been nice, he will give you a barrel of oil and an Iraq reconstruction contract. If you've been naughty, he'll crush your skull with a tire iron.

Here are a few new facts that I'm going to add today.

Dick Cheney. The only animal smarter than man.

Dick Cheney has never "accidentally" shot anything.

The Most Dangerous Game was a documentary about Dick Cheney's last vacation.

Dick Cheney, Dick Cheney Random Facts, Dick Cheney Shooting

Picture Blogging: Easier than writing

I went to Austin this weekend for a bachelor party for one of my college friends. I was also lucky enough to be in town the same weekend as some of my old college roommates (I lived almost entirely with women my last 3 years in college). Now, onto the pictures...


Here's me with some of the ladies of my college years. The two girls on the right (Patrica and Reena) were two of my college roommates and the girl on the left (Tasha) was on the UT Drumline with me.
Here's some food I got at Rudy's BBQ, one of the best bbq joints in Austin. That's almost 2 lbs of meat! You know it's a a good bbq joint when they serve the meat on butcher paper. There is the bachelor, Joe, infront of all the booze for the party. And we drank nearly everything in that picture. This is an instant classic of my picture collection. You might be asking yourself, why do all these guys have duct tape around their hands? Because virtually the entire bachelor party decided to start off the night with Edward 40 hands. In Edward 40 hands, one has a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor taped to each hand, and you must finish both 40's before you can remove the bottles from your hand. Gluttony rules!

Shocking UCI

Thursday night, I had the privilege of joining an elite club. Some of you may have read about J.J. Reddick becoming the charter member of this club. However, I have now joined the ranks of individuals to throw the shocker at a crowd from the basketball court of a college basketball game. Allow me to further articulate the situation.

The Nice Shoes, Wanna Fock crew, Commandante Agi, and some non-bloggers attended a UCI basketball game on Thursday night. A member of the public relations staff asked our group for volunteers for one of the games played during the game breaks. After much debate, it was decided that The Disgruntled Chemist and I would participate the event. However, in an effort to be fair, I informed the P.R. staffer that I would be drunk and would probably just try and shoot the ball from half court or the 3 point line till I made a basket. She still requested that I participate. Foolish.

The game we were supposed to play was essentially a game of basketball musical chairs. There were 3 participants in the game to start and 2 chairs. In order to stay in the game, you had make a basket and then get back to an open chair. The winner of the game was to be rewarded with free In-N-Out burger. However, I had a few ideas of my own on what kind of game I wanted to play.

The game started from half court. So, mildly intoxicated, I was walked to the center of the court, and threw my initial shocker to the student section. Once the game started, T.D.C and the other participant ran towards the baskets to attempt layups. I decided to casually walk to the free throw line. Once there, I promptly turned around with my back to the basket, did a quick check for wind (note: this was in an indoor basketball arena) and proceeded to heave over my head backwards, reverse granny shot style. I turned around just in time to see that not only had a missed the basket completely, but I clocked a camera square in the forehead with my shot. Luckily for me, the ball ricocheted off of his skull directly to a ball boy, who then quickly passed me the ball.

Feeling particularly inspired, I then threw shockers to every direction of the stadium and walked off, as T.D.C. and random guy had already made their baskets and gotten back to the chairs. As I was walking back to the student section, I then heard an angry fan shout “What’s your problem man?” which was about the funniest thing I’d ever heard. Hey, fuck HIM if he can’t take a joke. But the true greatness of this story is when I handed the ball back, the P.R. staff still gave me a gift certificate for In-N-Out. Hahaha!

So to summarize:

1. I was intoxicated on a college basketball court.
2. I threw the shocker to several thousand people, multiple times.
3. I clocked a camera man in the skull with a basketball
4. And I got free In-N-Out burger for doing all this.

Shameless Promotion

I know what you're thinking: What does some nerdy graduate student in Physics know about sex? The answer is of course only what I read in books.(damn you grad school!) But in all seriousness Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex, by Dr. Robin Baker, is a book that will rock your world.

To read the rest of the preview of Sperm Wars, go to my post at Nice Shoes, Wanna Fock.

Scottie gets schooled

But MOMMY! I want a fudgesicle!

Nothing like the white house press corps actually showing a little backbone. If you haven't read about Helen Thomas grilling Scott McClellan over the President's illegal domestic spying program here's the written version from Raw Story (emphasis mine).

Q: Does the president think he should obey the law? He put his hand on the Bible twice to uphold the Constitution. Wiretapping is not legal under the circumstances without a warrant.

MR. MCCLELLAN: Well, I guess you didn't pay attention to the attorney general's hearing earlier today, because he walked through very clearly the rationale behind this program.

Q There is no rationale --

MR. MCCLELLAN: And Helen, I think you have to ask --

Q -- (inaudible) -- the law.

MR. MCCLELLAN: I think you have ask are we -- well, he's not -- are we a nation at war.

Q That's not the question.

MR. MCCLELLAN: No, that is the issue here.

Q The question is, the point is, there are means for him to go to -- get a warrant to spy on people.

MR. MCCLELLAN: Enemy surveillance is critical to waging and winning war. It's one of the traditional tools of war.

Q But he says he doesn't have running room --

MR. MCCLELLAN: The attorney general outlined very clearly today how previous administrations have used the same authority --

Q That doesn't make it legal.

MR. MCCLELLAN: -- and cited the same -- and cited the very same authority.

Q (Inaudible) -- they broke the law, that's too bad.

MR. MCCLELLAN: And we're going to continue doing everything we can --

Q You know what happened to Nixon when he broke the law.

MR. MCCLELLAN: -- within our power to protect the American people.

This is a very different circumstance, and you know that.

Q No, I don't.

Now check out the video at Crooks and Liars. Am I the only one who is pissed that they turned Helen Thomas' microphone down so low you can't even hear her after the inital question? Fuck those guys.

What the Fock?

I'll now be contributing to a collaborative UCI science graduate student blog called Nice Shoes, Wanna Fock. The content of this blog will consist mainly of science, science news, and the occasional rant about the life of a grad student. Check it out, it should be fun and informative.

"Four Things" Meme

I got tagged with this Four Things Meme by Amicus over at The Prejudicial Effect. And considering I'm exhausted and hung over from the Super Bowl, doing this is way easier than a post that requires effort.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Balloon Artist (i.e. making balloon animals)
2. Private Lesson Instructor for Percussion
3. Mindless drone at Service Merchandise
4. Front Desk of the Physics, Math, and Astronomy library at UT-Austin

Four movies I can watch over & over:
1. Fight Club
2. American Psycho
3. Pulp Fiction
4. Boondock Saints

Four places I've lived:
1. Grand Junction, CO
2. The Woodlands, TX (yes, "The" is actually part of the name)
3. Austin, TX
4. Irvine, CA

Four tv shows I love:
1. The Simpsons
2. The Daily Show
3. Family Guy
4. Futurama

Four places I've vacationed:
1. London
2. Mexico
3. New York City
4. Las Vegas

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Texas Barbeque
2. Sushi
3. Steak
4. Spaghetti Carbonara

Four sites I visit daily:
1. N.Y Times
2. CNN
3. GorillaMask.net
4. ESPN

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. My couch
2. My bed
3. Salt Lick Barbeque in Driftwood, TX
4. The magical land of no hangovers

Four books I love:
1. 1984
2. Coercion : Why We Listen to What "They" Say
3. Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman
4. Freakonomics : A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything

By request, I'm tagging Allison with this meme.

Friday Quote of the Day

You can know the name of a bird in all the languages of the world, but when you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird... So let's look at the bird and see what it's doing -- that's what counts. I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something.

Richard Feynman

Meat

Mmmmmm... 72 ounce steak

After reading through this thread at Shakespeare's Sister, I have to decided to rant a little bit about vegetarians and their chosen lifestyle. I will attempt to stay civil. (highly unlikely)

1. Eating meat is unethical. Bullshit. Humans are omnivores. That sheep/pot belly pig/fill in the blank cute animal is not your child. Stop anthropomorphising everything.
2. Human digestive systems have not evolved to eat meat. Are you a fucking moron? Guess why people didn't just go out and graze on grass? Because we lack the enzymes to digest that shit. That is why ancient people let livestock, who possessed enzymes that can digest grass, graze on fields and then ate them. You learn that in an introductory microbiology class.
3. Vegetarian diets are healthier. Wrong. Balanced diets consisting of the proper amounts of fruit, vegetables, meat, bread, etc. are the healthiest diets. Vegetarians typically have to take suppliments of protein and certain nutrients to maintain their "healthy" diet. If you are taking supplements, that means your diet is NOT healthy.
4. Meat is disgusting. Liar. Have you had a steak? What about bacon? It's fucking delicious. Make your best vegetarian meal. The best meal in the HISTORY of vegetarian meals. Then we'll do the Pepsi challenge at some mall between your Cadillac of vegetarian meals and a juicy red steak. Guess which one wins 99 times out of 100? Steak, bitches.
5. Everyone who can afford to be a vegetarian, should be a vegetarian. You chose to be a vegetarian. I choose to eat meat. It's a free country, so quit your bitchin.
6. The meat industry mistreats animals. You're correct. Animals should be treated with respect, but they are still food.
7. Why are you so mean to vegetarians? I'm mean to everyone. I'm a bad person. But NOT because I eat meat.

State of the Union Replay

Just in case you missed the State of the Union, here it is on video... just slightly remixed.

Bros before proles

Dont worry guys, I'm just fucking with them

That's my proposal for a new title for the State of the Union address. According to this article in the N.Y. Times, some of W's best friends were not in on the joke. The Saudis were acting like they just dumped at the altar...

In Washington, Prince Turki, the Saudi ambassador, said he was puzzled by Mr. Bush's words in the speech. He said he wanted to know if reducing American dependence on foreign oil also applied to other suppliers to the United States. "Is that a declaration that the U.S. is going to work to be independent of Canadian oil, Mexican oil and Venezuelan oil?" he asked, adding, "I see no threat from America from receiving its oil from the Middle East."

Meanwhile, Republicans were acting like Dubya just cheated on them with their best friend...

Senator John Cornyn, Republican of Texas, said he was enthusiastic about nuclear power but questioned whether the government should be subsidizing alternative fuels like ethanol.

"It loses some of its shine when it becomes another government support program for an alternative fuel, which seems to be the pattern here in Washington," Mr. Cornyn said.

But George W. Bush always takes care of his buddies. They obviously had nothing to worry about...

The Energy Department will begin laying off researchers at the National Renewable Energy Laboratory in the next week or two because of cuts to its budget.

A veteran researcher said the staff had been told that the cuts would be concentrated among researchers in wind and biomass, which includes ethanol. Those are two of the technologies that Mr. Bush cited on Tuesday night as holding the promise to replace part of the nation's oil imports.

It's 9:18am, the day after the State of the Union...

And I'm still fucking pissed off about the State of the Union. But the Democratic response, was absolutely fucking PATHETIC! If you want to perform fellatio on the entire Republican party, then join the Republican party. Fucktard.

By the way, go read The Disgruntled Chemist's live blogging of the State of the Union. It guest stars some of your favorite O.C. liberal bloggers such as: Rob the Dirty Liberal, AC Patriot, Commandante Agi