Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Pat Robertson, American Psycho?

The following is my imaginary conversion with Pat Robertson**

Me: Hey Pat, how the commandmants treatin ya?
Pat: I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?
Me: Whoa! Sounds like Commandmant number 6 isn't working so well for you.
Pat: I need to engage in homicidal behaviour on a massive scale. It can not be corrected but I have no other way to fulfill my needs.
Me: Uhhhhhhh... ok. Is that why you don't like Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez?
Pat: If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it
Me: Yeah, that's what you said on the "700 Club" the other night. Do you really think we should kill the leader of another country?
Pat: Well, he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.
Me: Yeah, and we all know how you feel about homosexuals! Did Chavez even go to Yale?
Pat: Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?
Me: Who? Ok whatever. So, would you like to retract your statement about Chavez?
Pat: I have to return some videotapes.
Me: Don't evade the question Mr. Robertson.
Pat: If you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will kill you.

**Not to be confused with Patrick Bateman