Tuesday, August 16, 2005

well, I am BETTER than you

I've been noticing how all these nut-job zealots in the world are using religion as an excuse to their sense of self entitlement. Examples as follows:

Crazy Jews: "Settlers" who illegally live on occupied land. They think it is their mission from god to live on land that doesn't belong to them.

Crazy Muslims: Mickey Mouse pisses them off. White people piss them off. Shit, they are pissed off at everything. So, they feel that God will give them a shit load of virgins if they blow up themselves and some infidels.

Crazy Christians: They claim that god values single cells over human beings. I grant you, if that single cell happens to be E. coli, they don't care so much. Oh, and because this country has more Christians than anything else, we should teach the bible (oops, I mean intelligent design) in public school. Obviously, God thinks everyone should have to be think and live like Christians.

So, I kind of pissed off because I'm not getting anything. I feel left out of the nutcase entitlement factory. So, I realize my need to come up with some sort of religion so that I can just take whatever I want with a smug sense of entitlement.

Henceforth, I shall begin to worship barbeque ribs. And if I see barbeque ribs, I shall take them. I don't care who they belong to, if you paid for them or not, because they shall soon reside in my belly. Just look at them...

Mmmmmmm. I shall called my new religion, "Carnivorism". If you'd like to join my new religion all you have to do is follow these 3 easy steps:
1) Drink beer
2) Eat ribs
3) Repeat steps 1) and 2) until heart attack or meat coma